The Joy Of A Dad

The Joy Of A Dad


Can I have a latte, please? I’ll change him. How’s it going, man? I’m in a little bit of a pickle. I really need your advice. I told you, you just got to walk her more often and get her a kennel to sleep in. I’m talking about my girlfriend. Uh, I was answering a different question. She’s baby crazy, alright? Hell, she’s baby criminally insane. She’s the Joker of babies, and my life is Gotham City. Look Andy, you’ve always been older than me, right? I need you to set me straight. Should I have children? That’s a very ambiguous response. Of course you should. But I’m just… I’m really scared. Did… Did it change your life? Beyond recognition. But did it change your life for the better? Better is such a specific word. And you are just a mountain of ambiguity right now. Look, Matt you and your life are too focused on your own happiness. Kids will change everything you think and do, to be about them. That sounds awful. On paper it’s terrible but in practice, it’s… I can’t tell if you’re asleep or not. You don’t seem well! I’ll change him! While you’re in beast-mode narcolepsy? I’m just a little nappy. Waitress! Can I get another round? Another round of a triple espresso? I’ll change him! Andy? You alright, mate? Why would anybody choose this? I’ll change him. You need help. Hey man, can you get this? I am wildly in debt. What happened, you used to be rolling in rambos. I just took out a bank loan. You’re buying a house!? Yeah! House-load of diapers! What’s up! I’m getting the snip. Here’s the real truth you need to understand. Freedom is a prison. When I was single, I had all the time and money in the world. You know what I was? Happy? Miserable! I had too many options, I had too much time thinking how unhappy I was. I was starving, standing at the buffet. Now I don’t have any time for that, I don’t have time to wonder what I should be doing. I have chores to do now, and deep in my core, I feel a sense of purpose. I’ll change him. That is really deep. Maybe we can run out without paying. I just feel like there’s already so many kids in the world, wouldn’t it make more sense to adopt one just to give it a chance, a better life, you know? I don’t know man, I think if you’re going to be up to your feces in triceps, you don’t want to be stuck with some flea-bitten street urchent. Wow, you are a terrible person. Terrible father. Thanks. Oh my god. Oh my actual god! She’s just messaged from the doctors, She’s pregnant! We’re pregnant. Incredible! I’m gonna… I’m gonna be a dad. I’ll change him.

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